LEADERS NEVER STOP ASKING GOOD QUESTIONS

This week I was engaged in a healthy conversation with an experienced manager and leader about one of her teammates, a woman who holds a senior position, but who is relatively new to her team.

This leader was complaining to me that her team member rarely asks questions, questions about:

-how she is performing,

-how she is fitting in on the team, and

-how she could perform more effectively at her job.

I asked this leader if her teammate was shy. She acknowledged that indeed this person was indeed shy and a little passive.

I asked her if this team member was still growing into the job and getting familiar with its requirements. She admitted that was probably true as well.

I asked if this new manager might be feeling a little intimidated about joining such a storied and well-run company, as well as feeling somewhat overshadowed by a very strong, self-confident and experienced leader such as herself.

This confident and self-assured leader paused after I finished my questions and a rueful smile came upon her face. “You know,” she said, “I have been thinking about this team member’s behavior and attitude entirely from my own point of view. I have not really made time to think about her role and responsibilities from her point of view.”

“When you shift paradigms and start viewing the situation from this senior manager’s perspective instead of your own,” I said, “things change. You see the situation differently.”

I reminded this leader that the best listeners strive to listen empathically, listening from the other person’s point of view. To achieve that goal, I said, we must step into the other person’s shoes. In order to do that, we must figuratively first take off our own shoes.

I said to this experienced leader: “I get it that your relatively new senior manager has not asked questions of you and that you would like her to come forward with insightful, productive and meaningful questions.”
“What could you do,” I asked her, “to get to the result you wish to achieve here, a healthy exchange of ideas, opinions and stories?”

“I guess,” she responded, “instead of waiting for her to come to me with great questions about the company, about our department and about my own management and leadership style,” I could go to her with some excellent questions.”

“Exactly,” I responded. Knowing she is shy, inexperienced here at this company, and perhaps feeling a little overwhelmed, you can approach her with a series of safe questions that help her open up and show her that you are sincerely interested in three things:

-her experiences thus far,

-the lessons that she has learned, and

-the personal and professional goals she has adopted for herself.”

I reminded this leader that the best kind of questions we can pose to our direct reports are open-ended, curiosity-oriented questions that do not call for “yes or ‘no’ answers but allow the other person to respond with answers that clarify, enlighten and elucidate situations.

Remember, it is the leader’s responsibility to draw out the persons she leads, not the other way around.

Great leaders are great questioners.

Great leaders are persistent inquirers.

Great leaders know that the best way to learn about team members is to ask them direct, open-ended questions.

If you know you want to become a more consistent and helpful questioner of your teammates, I encourage you to purchase and read “The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier. That book will help you develop a coaching and questioning mindset as a leader.

Such a mindset will allow you to grow into a more effective and compassionate leader. I guarantee it.

If you believe this content would resonate with a friend or colleague, please feel free to forward it along!

-Larry