LEADERS LEARN TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT CONVERSATIONS
As part of my membership in the Institute for Transformational Leadership Network (ITLN), which includes graduates of Georgetown University’s Leadership Certificate Programs, I belong to a listserv – technically called an io group – in which graduates can ask questions, make suggestions, identify resources, exchange ideas and connect digitally for a host of other excellent reasons.
Frequently I am struck by the wisdom shared by members of the io group. I read a post and say to myself: “Wow. I wouldn’t have thought of that” or “That is very wise. I’m so glad this person was willing to share that approach or that information.”
This happened recently when one member, Colin McLetchie , responded to an inquiry from a io group colleague seeking advice. Colin wrote about his experience with a particular type of leadership interaction. His words are wise, and with his gracious permission, I am sharing them with you in this week’s newsletter:
Colin reminded fellow coaches that often leaders miss having a critical kind of conversation: the conversation about conversations.
This type of conversation can take place between a leader and all his or her direct reports. The leader can converse with those teammates and say: “As you know, performance conversations are coming up, and I realized we haven’t talked about how we want to have those kinds of conversations together.
-How can I show up in a way that best supports you?
-What process would you like to use?
-How do I ensure you hear what is going really well (and celebrate that)?
-How can I best share my thoughts and observations about your developmental opportunities and any performance gaps I might see?”
As Colin asserts, then do what people ask. And tie it back to this original conversation.
Colin gives an example:
“Josh, I really appreciate what you shared about how best to have this conversation together. I’m going to try what you suggested, and I may not get it exactly right. If something isn’t working for you, please signal that while we’re talking so I can do my best to adjust, while ensuring the messages are getting through.”
This approach, Colin reminds us, lets team members know they were heard, a critical aspect of any workplace conversation! Everyone with whom we interact wants to feel heard by us!
Moreover, this strategy lets them know the leader is trying and is open to adjusting (learning out loud models the way for other to learn), and signals what’s ahead in the conversation.
Colin’s major point comes across loud and clear :It is important to try to meet people where they are – and it is better to ask than to guess. When we guess, we are often making up stories. We jump up the ladder of inference:
-We hear something,
-We make guesses about it,
-We make up a story,
-We forget we made up the story, and
-We process the story as fact
So please strive to conduct conversations about conversations. Do not make assumptions. When in doubt, ask your team members. So many leaders are afraid to ask. Meet people where they are and make sure they feel heard and understood.
If you would like to read more of Colin’s wisdom, I encourage you to check out his website at http://www.fivewaysforward.com. He is a wonderful coach with great experience and terrific insights.
If you believe this content would resonate with a friend or colleague, please feel free to forward it along!
-Larry