LEADERS HELP TEAMMATES – AND THEMSELVCES – WITH REFRAMING

Leadership coaches are familiar with the verb “reframing.” Unfortunately, many leaders are not familiar with this key concept. The words mean just what it sounds like: giving ourselves permission to look at a situation, a person, a project or a problem through a different lens.

In order to engage in reframing, leaders must be self-aware, be cognizant of how they are viewing something and how they might look at it differently. Helping clients engage in reframing is actually one of the most important roles a coach can play.

So frequently people are wedded to a particular mindset and do not even consider modifying that mindset. The way they see a colleague or a situation is just “the way things are.” They often make up a story about someone and then, without realizing what is transpiring, that story becomes part of their world view.

This relates to the old ladder of inference:

-Something happens

-We make up a story about why it happened

-We forget that we made up the story in the first place

-The story becomes “the truth” for us

I was reminded of the power of reframing this past Sunday and think it would be helpful to share this story with you, even though I m not proud of what happened.

My wife and I were attending the play “Stereophonic” at the National Theatre in Washington, DC. This show attracted 13 Tony nominations two years ago. It is the story of a band making an album, highlighting the various personal relationships among the band members and the record producers. The entire production takes place within a recording studio. play is loosely based on the relationships among the members of Fleetwood Mac. If I had to guess, I would say that the two main characters are modeled after Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks.

After my wife and I sat down in our seats, two seats in the tenth row on the aisle, I commented: “Honey, these are excellent seats. And the play starts in three minutes and no one is sitting in front of us!”

Of course, right before the orchestra started playing, two men came down the aisle and occupied the two seats in front of us. The young man sitting in front of me was very tall. I said to myself: “No problem. I can just look between their heads,” like one usually does at the theatre.

However, as soon as the show commenced, the man in front of me started moving his head to the left, then the right, on a regular basis. He would lean far to one side, then to the other. He rarely kept his head still. Correspondingly, I was forced to move my head the opposite direction he was leaning so I could see the actors.

The more this occurred and the longer the play progressed, the more frustrated I became. I was tempted to tap this man on the shoulder and ask him politely to stop moving his head so much and to stop almost constantly fidgeting in his seat.
This was a four-act, three-hour show. At intermission after the second act, I said to myself: “How am I going to be able to enjoy the rest of the show? Should I speak to him now?”

Then my wife made a small comment: “This guy may have ADD the way he is moving around since the beginning of the play.” (My wife’s career was devoted to working with children and adults with learning issues).

Her short comment started me thinking: “What if this man does have ADD? What if his head movements back and forth are involuntary? What if he suffers from a different condition?”

Suddenly, my mind shifted. Instead of feeling angry at this gentleman sitting right in front of me, I felt sorry for him. In fact, I felt a little guilty for the anger I had been carrying within me for the first two acts of the play. There was no assurance that he did have ADD or any other condition, but what had transformed was my own attitude.

I had reframed my mindset. Guess what happened next? For the third and fourth acts of this play, I did not even notice his head shifts and fidgeting. I was focused on the actors, the dialogue and the music.

Please take my story as simple evidence of the power of reframing. It can serve as a wonderful leadership tool, for you and for the people you are privileged to lead!

If you believe this content would resonate with a friend or colleague, please feel free to forward it along!

-Larry