GREAT LEADERS HAVE GREAT CONVERSATIONS
I read a quote last week that intrigued me. It said “Asking deep questions can help you encourage openness, which may lead to insights that might otherwise stay hidden. The best leaders know that the quality of their decisions depends on the quality of their conversations that precede them.”
During the course of a day or evening, we have dozens of conversations. We have conversations with family members, with friends, with coworkers and with acquaintances. It’s often very easy to forget many of these conversations by the time the day concludes.
But what if we were more intentional about our conversations, especially those that can help us benefit as managers and leaders?
Greg Satell, the author of that quote, believes that three essential listening skills can promote more effective and meaningful conversations:
-Listening to understand
-Asking deep questions
-Helping other people understand their own thinking
Satell says: “You aren’t challenging them, you are doing something better: you are encouraging them to challenge themselves in a way that is non-confrontational but leads to more rigorous conversations.”
So many leaders rush into conversations, looking for quick answers so they can move on to the next task, project or an upcoming meeting.
Unfortunately, these outcome-focused conversations often do not uncover the true issues or the best solution to problems. That’s why it’s so important for leaders to hone their listening skills.
Very few colleges or graduate schools offer courses in listening. Why is that? It’s because people assume that we know how to listen and don’t need practice or repetition. Instead, schools focus on teaching public speaking skills.
However, we know that speaking is only 1/2 of conversations. Moreover, if we sit back and ponder the subject, we will acknowledge that we learn more from listening than we do from speaking.
What can we do to enhance our own listening skills?
-We can remove all distractions from the physical setting
-We can clear our head of all the other issues facing us that day by either putting them in the mental parking lot or writing them down so we don’t forget them
-We can restate the purpose of the conversation before it begins so that we and the other person have the same expectations
-We can ask for clarification after the other person finishes a thought to make sure we understand completely
-We can focus on meaningful questions during the conversation rather than the details
-We can write down a summary of the conversation after it concludes for our own benefit and the benefit of the other person
-We can then share that summary to make sure that we and they are on exactly the same page
When Satell writes that “you are encouraging them to challenge themselves in a way that is non-confrontational,” he is describing a form of leadership coaching. Rather than giving advice or answers, leaders who engage in this skill are holding up a mirror to their colleagues. When colleagues look in the mirror during a conversation, they can create more powerful and creative solutions for existing problems.
The beauty of mastering listening skills that lead to more powerful and meaningful conversations is clear – that mastery can extend to all avenues of our lives.
It can help us be better partners, better parents, better grandparents, better volunteers and better friends. Other people will respect us more when they see us as terrific listeners and purposeful conversationalists.
I encourage you to take a deep dive into your own listening skills. Look back several decades or years.
-How have your own listening skills evolved?
-Are you a more skilled listener now than you were five years ago?
-If so, why? If not, why not?
There is virtually no downside to becoming a great listener. You will be respected and admired for it.
And it’s something we can always work on during every stage of life!
If you believe this content would resonate with a friend or colleague, please feel free to forward it along!
-Larry