LEADERS ASK FOR HELP

It was the fall of 1974. I had just graduated from law school and, thanks to the Placement Office at Georgetown University Law Center, I was working at my very first job, working for the Lazar Institute, a nonprofit research and consulting firm that specialized in criminal justice issues. Criminal justice was my first love in law school.

One day I was working on a grant proposal to be submitted to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). I was confused about particular directions in the proposal, but was afraid to ask any colleagues for assistance. I thought asking for help would show weakness. And at that early stage of my career, I was very intent on making a positive impression on everyone with whom I worked.

We submitted the proposal to NIDA, and lo and behold, the section I was responsible for was done incorrectly. My boss was furious. He yelled at me and sent me up to Rockville, where NIDA was located, to submit a substitute grant application with the correct data included.

I was humiliated, embarrassed, and chagrined. I wanted to make a positive impression on everyone and yet I had made a major mistake because I was afraid to ask for help.

I have not thought about that episode in decades. However, it came streaming back into my consciousness this past week when I read an essay in the New York Times.

The author was Angela Duckworth. You may recognize her name because she authored the very popular book “Grit.” Her forthcoming book is titled “Situated: Find the People and Places that Bring Out Your Best.”

In the Times column, Duckworth states that after studying successful people, she concluded that they have one habit in common: They ask for help.

Duckworth reminds us that “studies show that knowing when to ask for help is an essential skill for children’s learning and achievement. College students who proactively seek assistance from others typically outperform those who avoid doing so. In adulthood, seeking support is an effective strategy for regulating our emotions, and having a support network is a reliable predictor of overall mental health.”

Duckworth concludes her piece by saying “from an early age, we suffer from what cognitive psychologists call the illusion of self-sufficiency, overlooking how much we owe our skills to other people.”

“In one experiment, two groups of children were given a machine that they had never seen before. In the first group, none managed to figure out how it worked on their own. In the second, the vast majority succeeded after seeing someone else use the machine and getting hints along the way.”

Leadership is about two things:

-Success and achievement for ourselves and our colleagues, and

-Personal and professional growth for everyone, including ourselves.

It’s amazing how much we can learn when we submerge our pride and ask for assistance.

As I have written here previously, I ran the Continuing Legal Education Department at Georgetown Law for 32 years. During that time, we experienced the advent of computers and the rapid expansion of technology. In fact, we started the first Computer Law Institute in the United States.

For me, technology has always been a challenge. Having learned the importance of asking for help over the years, I routinely went to my teammates, asking them for assistance with emails, with WordPerfect, with Microsoft Word and eventually with Excel spreadsheets.

My reliance on these wonderful colleagues actually became a running joke in our office. I was not embarrassed. I was not ashamed. I was not angry. I accepted my technology limitations, and I sought assistance from those who I knew I could depend on.

In fact, at one point, my colleagues created a technology to-do sheet for me and had it laminated. I kept that sheet in the top drawer of my desk for a long time!

The best leaders know that part of professional growth is the willingness to ask for help.

Seeking assistance and answers from our teammates makes us stronger leaders. It also creates stronger morale within our teams and helps people feel useful and necessary.

Please remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength.

The best leaders know their strengths and their challenges and seek assistance in meeting those challenges.

If you believe this content would resonate with a friend or colleague, please feel free to forward it along!

-Larry