Do You Know Your Real Intention?

Last week we examined the first letter in my new PIP acronym: P for pause. This week let’s explore the second critical part of that acronym – I for Intention. Intention is a very common word. It is used in leadership all the time.

People use the verb form of the word frequently: “I intend to…” Rarely do leaders ask their colleagues” “What’s your intention here?” The full noun sounds more serious, more important and more thought-producing.

During the past two weeks I engaged in a serious conversation about intention with a leadership coaching client.

In the this instance, a company executive was complaining to me about a colleague at his company. They knew each other well They had both climbed the leadership ladder at the company and were respected by their colleagues and clients.

However, my client had a list of concerns – even complaints – about his colleague. These concerns were affecting his own productivity at work and his enjoyment of his job. He believed that this other person:

-was not attracting new clients like he should

-was not acting kindly to the support staff

-was making too much money for what his job entailed

-did not possess a strong enough work ethic

-did not participate sufficiently in company functions

-did not deserve the status he enjoyed within the company

-was keeping his position partially by currying favor with other executives

My clients was truly upset every time he thought about his colleague. And he thought about him often. It was getting in the way of his enjoying his job and feeling productive at work.

We examined my client’s concerns one at a time, where they came from, how they were affecting him, and what he thought might happen. His list of complaints actually grew.

Then I asked him “What do you want?”

“What do you mean,” he asked.

“What’s your real intention here?” I continued.

“I really like this company and I want to stay here long-term,” he responded.

“Are you sure?,” I asked. “Because it sounds like you are allowing this one colleague to detrimentally affect your enjoyment of your job on a day-to-day basis.”

“Yes,” he exclaimed. “I really want to stay and grow.”

“If that is your true intent,” I said, “let’s examine strategies for taking your concerns and complaints about this particular colleagues and placing them where they will not adversely impact your daily work and attitude.”

We examined the old concept of the two concentric circles: the larger outer circle – “The Circle of Concern” – and the smaller inner circle – “The Circle of Influence.”

I reminded him that effective – and happier – people focus on their inner circle, those things over which they have some degree of control. Ineffective people – and frustrated people – usually focus on their outer circle, those issues about which they are concerned but about which they have little or no control.

“Think about your colleague,” I said. “Do you have any influence over his personality, his work habits, his priorities, his time management, his relationship-building, his decision-making or his thought processes?’

“No, I do not,” he ruefully admitted.

We then examined the idea that my client had allowed this focus on his colleague to adversely affect his enjoyment of his own meaningful job.

Once we focused on the word “allowed,” he realized that his colleague’s habits and proclivities were not within his control, but how he RESPONDED to his colleague was definitely within his control.

We engaged in some serious reframing about the situation. My client agreed that he possesses the power to take his concerns about his colleague and place them in his “mental parking lot.”

He would give himself permission to let the negative feelings go and instead focus on his true intention – to grow in his job, to enjoy his good and meaningful relationships at work, and to do the best he could each and every day.

And so it is with us.

Let’s not get distracted by things over which we have no control.

Let’s focus on our Circle of Influence.

Let’s identify and pursue our real intention – at work and at home.

In the long run, we will feel more effective, happier and more fulfilled.
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-Larry