Good Leaders Speak Last
Have you ever heard the phrase “Leaders Eat Last?” That phrase comes from the military. Officers are instructed that when it is time to line up for meals, they should proceed to the back of the line and allow the rank and file soldiers, sailors or airmen and women to get their food first.
This concept was popularized by the author Simon Sinek in his book, “Leaders Eat Last.” Sinek argued that leaders must create a “circle of safety” where team members feel secure, valued and supported so they can focus their attention and efforts on the organization’s mission.
Sinek proposed that leaders sacrifice their own comfort first, demonstrating to their teammates that they are willing to put their teammates’ first. One reviewer said the book represents a shift from a managerial mindset focused on metrics to a leadership mindset focused on people.
It is true that the best leaders focus on their people and on serving as positive role models. As I learned decades ago, “management is doing things right” and “leadership is doing the right things.” This concept reinforces the belief that leadership is more about “being” than about “doing.”
This past week I was coaching a client who was running a search committee for the next CEO of his organization. He told me that he runs the committee’s meetings and allows everyone to speak during these one-hour meetings. He said they record the meetings and one person takes notes just in case the technology fails.
I asked him: “When do you speak during these search committee meetings?” He replied: “I am the chair of the committee. People look to me for my opinions and attitude. So I speak first. Then we go around the table.”
I smiled ruefully. His comment reminded me of the time period years ago when I ran weekly staff meetings (before we shifted from a staff culture to a team culture). We had eight people on the staff. I ran all the meetings. I created the agendas. I always spoke first. I figured that’s what good leaders do – they take charge and demonstrate their smarts and their wisdom to everyone else.
Was I wrong!
Over the years, thanks to consultants and to books I read, I learned that I was taking exactly the wrong approach. When the leader talks first at meetings, what happens?
-People want to please the leader, so when their turn to speak arrives, they agree with the leader
-People may be afraid to disagree with the leader’s opinion, so they remain quiet and take a pass when the leaders starts going around the table or computer screen
-People may fear the leader’s wrath so even if they disagree strongly, they will articulate agreement with the leader’s viewpoint
-Those people who are frustrated that the leader spoke first and that they did not feel free to assert their own opinion will end up gossiping after the meeting, tearing at the office culture
-Some people will come to the leader’s office to express their personal opinions privately because they did not feel comfortable during so during the meeting; what can the leader do with these after-meeting comments?
Leaders must learn to talk last at meetings. When leaders speak last, the other meeting attendees do not know the leader’s opinion, proposal or ideas until after they have all taken a turn speaking. When this happens,
-People feel free to openly express their own opinions
-People are more willing to be creative and think outside the box
-People do not feel inhibited by what the leader already said
-People are willing to openly agree or disagree with each other
-People can build upon each other’s points to craft better solutions
-The leader can play the role of active listener, asking questions and coming from a place of curiosity
-People feel valued because the leader is proactively seeking their input
As you proceed on your own leadership journeys, please do not rush to express your own opinions or offer your own suggestions at the start of online or in-person meetings. Allow your team members to feel appreciated, to feel seen and heard, to feel like they are an important part of your team.
Please speak last. It will help you be a more effective leader.
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-Larry