LEADERS KNOW THAT TWO SEEMINGLY CONTRADICTORY THING CAN BE TRUE
This week’s newsletter is authored by my son Jared, who serves as a manager at a multinational company. See if you can identify with what Jared has identified as a persistent issue in the workplace.
As a father of two young children, I consume a lot of content — from podcasts to books to articles by thought leaders — always looking for strategies for growing into a more effective parent and leader. One of the concepts I came across through reading articles by Dr. Becky, a well-known parenting expert, is the idea that two things that may at first appear contradictory can both be true. I know that in leadership, it is often called replacing “”either/or” thinking with “both/and” thinking.
Through the lens of parenting, this might mean:
A child can be having a tough day, acting out and appearing oppositional, and still be a really good kid.
A parent can lose patience in the moment, raising his voice or acting harshly, and still be a great parent doing his or her best.
This approach to viewing the events of the day, at work and at home, can bring a kind of mental and emotional freedom. It allows for three critical factors:
-Nuance
-Complexity
-Grace
The more I considered this paradigm, the more I realized it applies just as much to team leadership as it does to parenting.
I’ve been thinking a lot about work-life integration rather than work-life “balance.” I believe work-life balance is an over-used term that implies an even split between our work and our personal lives. Work is an integral part of our lives, and the key question is how we integrate it in a way that supports both performance and well-being.
Recently, two conversations with team members reminded me of how the fact that “two things can be true” plays out in workplace leadership:
Vacation and Burnout
A team member admitted to me that he usually waits until he’s already burned out at work before taking time off. I asked him, “When you finally take those vacation days, how does it feel?” He admitted it takes him time to decompress — so by the time he’s truly rested, his vacation is almost over. We talked about how much better it would be to proactively schedule days to recharge before any burnout sets in.
Wedding vs. Work Project
Another team member was planning her wedding while leading a major project. She kept framing the project and the wedding as equally stressful priorities. I asked her: “Which one will you remember for the rest of your life?” It was a moment for her to step back, reframe, and put things in perspective.
Many experts argue that leaders are responsible for setting the tone on well-being for their teams:
Leading by example by taking vacations, recharging, and setting healthy boundaries
Being mindful about email timing, workload distribution, and expectations
Encouraging teams to speak up about bandwidth and stress.
All of that is true. Leaders play a critical role in modeling healthy behavior and building a culture that supports self-care.
And yet, a parallel truth is this: Employees must take ownership of their own well-being by:
Proactively blocking off time for rest, rather than waiting for burnout.
Checking in with themselves by monitoring how they are feeling at the start and end of each day
Communicating openly with managers when bandwidth is maxing out.
Keeping perspective on what truly matters in the long run.
Without individual responsibility, the burden falls entirely on the leader — and that’s a losing battle.
So here’s where two different things can be true in leadership:
Leaders must take ownership of creating a culture of well-being.
Employees must take ownership of their personal self-care.
When both things take place, we create resilient teams that can show up every day at their best.
That’s the path to sustainable performance and true work-life integration.
If you believe this content would resonate with a friend or colleague, please feel free to forward it along!
-Larry